Its Wednesday, which means its time to tuck a napkin into our shirts and get to complainin in an all-new edition of .
And this week, were talking about one of my favorite topics: food.
I know. Surprising given my chilled, Herculean physique and higher-than-average .
I love food. In fact, I love it so much I actually eat it several times a day.
However, like anything, I have a lot of thoughts about it, and while weve touched on food in , I think everyone appreciates a good round of food gripes because we all experience food.
If you didnt, youd die. You dont really get much of a choice in the matter.
So what do you say? Grab yourself a beverage and maybe throw on some sweatpants because were about to whip up a big bowl of complaints.
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Like a great many of you, we got some baked beans for our cookout. Now, those come in different flavors, many of which taste alike.Â
We had some like maple-y ones, and if you blindfolded me and gave me another flavor, Im not sure I could tell the difference.
But, recently, the folks at Bushs â they of talking dog commercial fame â uncorked this triumvirate of unholy bean flavors.
Ill be honest, could work and dill pickle piques my interest, but rocket pop?
I hate that this is a thing now.
Companies seem to just sit around and go, “Hey, what if we made Pop-Tarts that taste like jerky?” then they do, and everyones like, “Whoa, thats f-âked up. Beef jerky Pop-Tarts,” and then maybe a couple people buy them to make a video and go .
Other than that, they just go away.
Call me old-fashioned; I like when things taste like what they are. I like coffee that tastes like coffee and that tastes like beer.
Thats my biggest problem with . Places are like, “Hey, try this beer; it tastes like Twizzlers,” instead of just making beer that tastes like a good beer.
Its a fad, and will fortunately fall by the wayside like Pet Rocks and clear electronics (I kind of miss that one though the see-through N64 hit different).
Im not going to lie, Ive got mixed feelings about .
On one hand, I love that it is basically a food all-star game.
Ever wonder what would happen if waffles played on a line with a club sandwich and a bowl of lobster bisque?
Well, brunch lets you find out.
But, like all good things, it has been bastardized to the point of not being worth your time.
For starters, I feel like brunch reservations are always hard to get, and thats all because you get table after table of women playing dress-up, taking up space so they can snap photos of themselves with mimosas.
No one cares. Literally no one cares.
Youre just taking up space from the real heroes: those of us who have to make the Sophies choice of having eggs or a burger.
Eh, screw it, throw the egg on the burger.
I want to go back to the salad days of brunch (dont waste your appetite on salad, but the way). I did a cruise recently and was chasing bites of waffle with bites of gorgonzola and grape pizza.
Now that is brunch. The only rule is that there are no rules.
I like an avocado, but buying those things is the absolute bane of my existence.
If youre in the market for avocados, theres at least a 50% chance that you should just save yourself some time and throw a few dollars down the garbage disposal.
There are really only two scenarios: youll either get an avocado that is about as hard as a diamond or one that feels like it’s full of pudding.
There is no in-between.
I always opt for the diamond-hard ones, because those will at least, in theory, make their way into the edible range.Â
The issue is that this window is small. Practically microscopic.
On more than one occasion, I have looked at an avocado sitting in t
